Isms from the perspective of a cow

How would philosophies, governance and isms as a whole unfold if they only had cows at their disposal..?

Alcoholism
You have two cows, but see four.

Anarchism
You have two cows. You don't care about them.

You have two cows that oppose any goverment power.

You have two cows, they drink your milk and shoot the government.

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours will try to steal your cows and kill you.

You have two cows. You give them both freedom. All three of you die from starvation.

Astrology
You have two cows. Next week they should be careful what they eat and they could benefit from showing their emotions to their loved ones.

Atheism
You have two cows that don't believe in god.

Buddhism
You have two cows, they shave off their hair, sell their milk to buy incense, and when they die they'll enter nirvana.

You have two cows, caught in a lower plane of conciousness.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Bureaucracy (pure)
You have two cows. First the government decides, which feed to give them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. Finally fill out forms explaining where the missing cow is.

Bureaucracy (EU)
You have two cows. To begin with, there are some regulations from the commission that tells you what you can feed the cows with and when you can milk them. Then Germany pays you not to milk your cows. Then the Directory of Veterinary Services take both your cows, shoots one cow, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Finally, the Council of Ministers ask you to fill out 10 forms where you have to explain that you have lost a cow.

Darwinism
You have two cows. They became cows through evolution.

You have two cows. They started out as microorganisms, that became fish. The fish went on land and developed legs, and it continued like that until the cows were there. Maybe tomorrow it's not two cows anymore.

Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide, who gets the milk.

Democracy (representative):
You have two cows. Your neighbours elect someone to decide, who gets the milk.

Egotism
You have two cows. You milk them and drink all the milk yourself.

Existentialism
You have two cows. They are.

Exorcism
You have two cows. One cow expels an evil spirit from the other cow.

Environmentalism
You have two cows. The government prohibits you from milking them and killing them.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and sell the milk.

Fatalisme
You have two cows. Whatever happens to them, happens.

Feminism
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a calf.

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your master takesmost of the milk.

Hinduism
The cows have you.

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
You have two cows. At a probability of 10,855,010 to 1 they are turned into 42 white mice each with its own towel.

Idealism
You have two cows. You milk them and then give away both the milk and the cows.

Illusionism
I'd be damned, that's a lot of cows you've got!

Juggaloism
You have two cows, get drunk, set them free and then pursue them with an AK 47. Later you have a barbeque for your homies.

Cannibalism
You have two cows, that eat each other.

Capitalism
You have two cows, sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism (expanded)
You have two cows, sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

Capitalism (after the financial crisis)
You have no cows. The bank won't lend you any money to but cows, as you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Capitalism (venture)
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and give you the milk.

Communism (pure)
You share two cows with your neighbour. Your neighbour and you debate who has the greatest abilities and who has the greatest needs. In the meantime nobody is working, nobody gets any milk and the cows die from starvation.

Communism (russian)
You have two cows. The government orders you to care for them, but takes all the milk for itself.

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes the milk. You steal back the milk and sell it on the black market.

Communism (perestroika)
You have two cows. The idea is, that you take care of them, but the mafia takes all the milk. You steal back all you can and sell it in the "open" market.

Confessionalism
You have two cows, read the bible and thank God for what he has given you.

Quantum Mechanics
You have approximately two cows.

There are two cows, you either know where they are or where they are going. The two cows can arrive entangled.

Lobbyism
You have two cows. They persuade politicians to adopt better conditions for cattle farming.

Markedsundersøgelse
You have two cows. 43% of them prefer Pepsi to Coca-Cola.

Mathematics
You have x cows. The amount of milk they provide can be described as f(x).

We assume: You have x cows.

Militarism
You have two cows. The government takes them both and summons you to military service.

Naivety
To just have any cows at all.

Narcisism
You have two cows. You sell them both and buy a mirror.

Naturalism
You have two cows.

Nazism
You have two cows. The government takes them and shoots you.

Nudism
You have two cows. They refuse to wear clothes.

Neoliberalism
Du har 2 køer. You sell them and use the money to buy milk.

Occultism
You have two cows. One can turn the other into a frog using its supernatural powers.

Optimism
You have two cows og count on them to make a third.

Pacifism
You have two cows. You set them free.

Pantheism
They have two cow. They are God.

Paranoia
You think you're being stalked by two cows. The government takes one and puts the other in a straitjacket.

Pessimism
You have two cows and sell them both to afford milk.

Psychoanalysis
Tell me about your cows...

Racisme
You have two cows. You shoot the black and love the white.

You have two cows. One hates the other because of its skin color.

Radikalism
You have two cows. They sell their milk and buy a government.

Realism
You have two cows.

Sadism
You have two cows. They get aroused by torturing and tormenting each other.

Satanism
You have two cows. They worship the devil.

Satanism (corpse paint)
You have two cows. They look like holsteins.

Skepticism
You have two cows. What the hell do you need cows for?

Schizophrenia
You think you are two cows. The government shoots one and puts the other in a straitjacket.

You think you have two cows. The government takes fifteen of them and put you in a straitjacket.

Socialism
You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour.

Socialism (pure)
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. Now you have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.

Socialism (bureaucratic)
You have two cows. The government takes them and let two former chicken farmers take care of them, while you have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you all the milk and all the eggs, the bureaucracy says you need.

Socialism (Stasi-)
You have two cows. The government takes them both and makes another farmer take care of them. The government employs you as an agent to monitor if the farmer takes good enough care of the cows.

Socialism (National- / Nazism)
You have two cows. The government takes the milk, slaughters the cows to feed the army, and then blames the jews.

Socialism (Labour)
You have two cows. The governement takes one and gives it to your neighbor because it is a family with children.

Surrealism
You have two cows, melt them over a tree and suddenly you have a record, a toaster, and a pair of wellingtons.

You have two cows. You stuff them in a meat mincer and out comes a horse, a sausage, an elephant and a jazz record.

You have two giraffes. The government order you to take accordion lessons.

Theology
In the beginning God created two cows...

Terrorism
You have two cows. You blow them up.

You have two cows, ready to die for their cause!

You have two cows filled with explosives, that you kan park on a field near the enemy's embassy.

Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The governement takes them and deny that they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Transvestitism
You have two cows. They love dressing up as bulls. 

Vandalism
You have two cows. One spray paints the other and breaks one of its horns.

Zionism
You have two cows, they both grow curls and build a mountain in Israel


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